can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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