Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize