i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
