i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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