just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
