Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
