i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
