i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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