I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
