Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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