weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize