is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize