So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
