I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
