So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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