Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize