This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
