I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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