why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
