they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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