Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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