So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
