We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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