I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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