I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
