Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
