i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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