Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
