The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize