Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
