I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
