She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize