dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
