Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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