we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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