You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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