My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
