he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
