tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
