blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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