Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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