im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
