Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they're like a gay fantastic four
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
