are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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