The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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