Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
