u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
