So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These tits shall not be calmed
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