Swine flu is the new snow day.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
