What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
