Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
