i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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