Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You did what with his pubic hair?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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