Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Houston, we have a blender
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
