Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
