Princesses don't give blow jobs
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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