What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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