I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
