I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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