i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
