Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Houston, we have a blender
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
