Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize