ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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