So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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