Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
