This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
