I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His hands were made for my vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
