i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
