He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize