Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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