that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
