rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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