just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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