my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
