side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
