I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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