It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
