Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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