You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
