I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize