Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
