The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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