Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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