Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
