she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
