i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
