you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
