oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
