the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
