Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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