Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize