and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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