Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
