He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
