Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
