I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
