I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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