why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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