Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
