come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
