Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
