this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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