We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
