Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
