so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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