i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
