she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
