I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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