also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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