Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
