i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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