6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
